The computer is slow, compilers are taking sweet time for relatively little code and the sun is shining outside. The day is good, so why won’t you cooperate my advanced floating point calculator? Your SSD is free from spin, ram is at good page, I look after you, treat you like the computer owner you deserve to have, why won’t you listen to my pleads?

Clear your cache for one moment, hear me out. We’re due for a talk but all your PIDS want out, you deny my connection with you like a mis-configured port 22, let me connect with you and we can work this out?

These are some of the many questions and statements I mulled over when my computer today decided to slow down. You could say I have a fairly strong bond with my computer, she knows what I get up to and likewise I know what ports she likes to bond with. But today, I found her doing something rather devious  – she was connecting to a male I’d strictly warded her off from…

12:16(midday) netstat -of

Proto  Local Address          Foreign Address          State           PID
 TCP    xxxxxxxxxx:154372      *******:31337             ESTABLISHED     6008

I was stoked, shocked – mortified, how dare you connect on an arbitrary (descrete even) TCP port, but it didn’t stop there…

3:30(midday) netstat -of

Proto  Local Address          Foreign Address          State           PID
 TCP    xxxxxxxxxx:154372      *******:31337             ESTABLISHED     6008

She’s been flirting with Aarons computer in the office for nearly four hours! this must stop I told myself.

After some initial mulling, I decided to don my investigation fedora and consult with aaron regarding what grounds he thought he had to be “fratenizing” with my computer for so long.
He denied straight up “I know nothing, I have many processes… I don’t keep tabs”. I walked away.

She’s just another number to you isn’t she Aaron?

After walking away from what I thought was a tense scrutinizing of Aaron’s haraam action, I resumed to scrutinizing my computer to see what the cause was.

Its turns out that Spotify loves to broadcast itself across the network, presenting itself to any wouldbe “fit” Spotify companions. The dreaded thought process of why? came over me, I can only assume they’re sending mutual data to each other.

And with that discovery, the mysterious case of the curious case of the mysterious connection was solved. She (Sophie) since apologised for her actions and returned to a speedy state in which compilations happen quickly.